If Microsoft Built Cars...

1. A particular model year of car wouldn't be available until after that year instead of before it.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would just die for no reason, and you'd have to restart it. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a Car 95 or a Car NT. But then you'd have to buy more seats.

6. Sun Motorsystems would make a car that was powered by the sun, twice as reliable, and five times as fast - but it would only run on 5 percent of the roads.

7. The oil, engine, gas, and alternator warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.

8. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for years.

9. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas.

10. The U.S. government would be GETTING subsidies from an automaker, instead of giving them.

11. New seats would force everyone to have the same-size butt.

12. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.

13. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

14. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lift the door handle, turn the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.

15. Everytime they introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as in the old car.

16. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.